Harold the strained metaphor

You know how sometimes late at night your brain just goes a little bit insane. Well, this is mine.

I was thinking about creative people and how some of them are utter geniuses in so many ways but struggle to function in real life. And if they could somehow just get themselves organised, they’d take over the world.

The old saying is that ‘so and so couldn’t find his way out of a paper bag’. I’m going to call this mythical ‘he’ Hepzibah because I love the name but I’ve never been able to find a character to fit it.

And Hepzibah is actually pretty awesome, because the rest of us are still stuck in our paper bags and we’d kind of like to find a way out, while creative-insane Hepzibah has realised that actually living in a paper bag is a good idea. We got into the bag for a reason (maybe there are dinosaurs out there), so she’s redesigned her paper bag so it has windows and maybe a propeller so it can fly up and away from the dinosaurs and installed a balcony so she can drink her tea with all the benefit of being outside but still having the safety of the paper bag.

Meanwhile the rest of us really need a dummies-guide to paper-bag redesign because we’re still stuck in the dark listening to the roaring outside.

That made me think about how that isn’t so much an strained metaphor, as one that was so stressed that it grew legs and ran away to join the circus and now he dresses in clown outfits and hangs from the trapeze, but he’s really an embarrassment to his family who are still conservative metaphors and every time someone asks about him, they just look away and say, ‘We don’t like to talk about Harold.’ And now Harold is something of a legend in Metaphorville, and secretly all the teenage metaphors think he’s kind of cool.

Either way it doesn’t matter, because Harold followed his dream and he is much happier now.

And I am sharing these thoughts with you because I am tired and I don’t feel like doing real work.

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